Don’t ask me how I am. “How are you today?” Makes me tighten up inside and I get angry, somehow. I don’t know why. Just don’t ask me.

RP Rant

I really hate when your RP can’t go forward because your partner is a really slow ass poster and you wait days for a reply. And all you want to do is go forward with it because they just broke up with your ass and you just want to move on.

RP Rant

Anxiety Rant

So yeah, I have huge anxiety issues.

But I have to live with a room mate because in this day and age, you can’t live on your own because loljobs. I work. He works. But I really, really just sometimes need my space. 

It’s really hot here and the air conditioner is in the living room. My room is too small to put my computer in my bedroom and it’s in the living room as well. When my room mate spends EVERY WAKING FUCKING MINUTE in the living room I want to scream. It’s my only space. And he’s ALWAYS IN IT. 

I just wanna tell him to fuck off right now and yet it’s his place too. I just want some alone time to not worry about someone’s presence BOTHERING THE FUCK OUT OF ME.

Okay he’s mostly quiet but… I just really really need no one in the same room with me sometimes. We both only have a couple of days off a week each and I really hate when we have the same day off or he gets out reallly early on my days off and I have to deal with him behind me.

No really, I’d love to just leave but hi. Anxiety. Outdoors? Scary place.

And if he needs something I have to apparently be responsible for helping him because he is a huge man-child and won’t get his licence. I stay up late just to get my own space. I wish he’d go the fuck to bed.


trans anxiety rant

It’s one of those weeks. I can’t sleep. I hate being alone. 

You know when most people say they are alone they really do feel that way even if they are surrounded by friends and family sometimes and I respect that. But do you know what it’s like to truly be alone? Your parent is dead. Your family disowned you because you are transgendered and they want nothing to do with you because you are an abomination. You can’t get close to anyone because you are so scared they won’t understand that you’d rather be another gender.

The past has taught you that people that get close to you are either doing it as a joke or because they want something from you. As soon as they get close they say “haha I was just kidding”. Yes that was grade school. And they wonder why I don’t add them on facebook.

I have a therapy cat. I have a step brother that would rather do nothing and never pay his half of the rent because he knows I need his money to live. I’m overweight. I don’t sleep and my only outlet for any type of affection and happiness is role-playing through MMO’s and reading books and watching movies. Do you remember when the last time someone gave you a really good hug? So good you sighed?

I don’t.

People don’t think of me when I’m not around.

Those silly pick-me-up posts you see on tumblr that say things like ‘you’re great today!’. Yeah well, they don’t apply to me so I scroll by them. 

trans transgender depression personal